Submitted 
March 2004

   Well, that’s partly true. And, for most people, that’s enough of an explanation to satisfy their curiosity. However, for me, it’s not the whole truth. For me, the truth goes so much deeper, into a place that most parents never have to experience. A place where they know the reality of losing a child to drugs, alcohol, or worse.

   Like nearly half the population, my children grew up in a divorced family; and like most children of divorced parents, they played the game well. You know what game I’m talking about. If you don’t let me, mommy will, or vice versa.

   If raising three children wasn’t enough, my second daughter depicted all the typical characteristics of a middle child. Her cries for attention soon lost a voice and gained action. When she became a teenager life took on a whole different meaning in our house. Just making it through the day without a dramatic episode was a reason for celebration.

   Unfortunately, we didn’t celebrate very much in those days.

   Michelle knew all the schemes, as if she inherently pulled them up from deep inside her. She knew how to sneak out of the house, how to skip school, how to locate drugs or alcohol and how to get what she needed by trading what she had.

    How do I know this? I didn’t at first. I was like most parents and never imagined what she could actually be up to when she said she was spending the night at a friend’s house. Did I check up on her, sometimes. Most of the time I wanted so desperately to give her my trust, I didn’t. Not checking up on her nearly cost us her life. She was well on her way to becoming just another statistic. Just another runaway on the streets. Just another victim of a needless and useless crime of violence.

    I didn’t give up on my daughter. Never. Not even when I was told by police, judges, teachers, and counselors that she was beyond help. No parent wants to hear that they’ve failed their child. That’s how I perceived my situation. That I failed my daughter and that the community failed her. What did I do? I sure as heck didn’t give up. I fought against the school and made them keep her in class instead of suspending her for skipping. I fought against the advice of judges and pursued her every single time she ran away. I fought against teachers who said it was best she quit and found some who would spend time with her instead of ignoring her. And, I fought with my daughter against letting her give up on herself. 

    We argued. I snooped. She cried privacy. I retaliated with the old adage; I’m doing it for your own good. And you know what? Eventually she saw what I was doing and she started making smart decisions and realizing that she could make a change in herself. She even worked hard to graduate from high school on time despite quitting for a year.

     My advice to parents is get involved and stay involved in every aspect of your child’s life. Know their friends; know their friends’ parents. Set boundaries and be firm about enforcing them. And, never, ever give up on your child, no matter the circumstances. They’ll thank you for it. Mine did.

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