Dude, Where's My Country?
By Michael Moore

     Fans of Oscar-winning Michael Moore will buy twenty copies of his latest book and even elect him President instead of his pick…Oprah. Moore-haters who burned every copy of “Roger and Me” in a FAHRENHEIT 451 bonfire after hearing Moore’s outburst at last year’s Oscars (the poor reception of which he keeps whining about) will also buy twenty copies just to read his “whoppers.” Speaking of which, in the chapter “Home of the Whopper,” Moore methodically expounds on all the lies we’ve heard that “George of Arabia” told about the Iraq war. In that spirit, for Michael Moore-bashers (this reviewer, from Moore’s home town of Flint, Michigan, isn’t a fan either), here are all the lies you might hear about the book:

     #1. The Original Whopper: "Michael Moore Has No Talent!"

     This is emphatically not true of Moore's film, television, or writing career. What he intends his latest book to accomplish, the skewering of President Bush, the hatred of conservatives (Michael Savage, etc.), the argument that Americans are more liberal than the right would like to believe, the eviscerating of billionaires (no one likes Enron), and the criticism of liberals and the Democratic Party, he does with panache, plenty of footnotes, internally consistent logic and to quote his grudging praise of Ann Coulter, "more balls than the entire Democratic Leadership Council." Furthermore, he adds humor, in the form of, for example, a letter from God to the Americans.

     #2. Whopper Combo With Cheese, Bacon, a Coke, and French, no, Freedom Fries: "Michael Moore Is Just A COWARDLY LEFTY LIBERAL!"

     This argument actually insults Moore, considering what he thinks of the Liberal Left (he even chastises them for their "hoity-toity view of religion" so you think he's mind-melded with Bill O'Reilly) and supports his argument that calling people liberals is the favorite way to discredit them. You may hate him, love him, assassinate him, worship him, but you do feel sincerity in his tough prose.

    #3. Whopper, Hold the Mayo: "Michael Moore Writes Bestsellers You Can't Ignore!"

     Um, this one's true, and will stay true as long as Liberal paradise-dwellers demand more Moore.