it at Amazon
Non-Fiction / Self-Help
Reviewer David Leonhardt is the author of
Climb your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness.
Tool for Choosing the Right Mate
The last thing any of us associate
with "mating" is structure. We generally prefer to fall
in love and enjoy it, then double-check our compatibility if we
decide the person might be interesting for a long-term relationship.
That is exactly the way NOT to build a long-term relationship, according
to Steven Sacks, author of The Mate Map.
The Mate Map suggests that
mates should be chosen using a structure that starts with a vision
of what we want, and continues by separating "love", "personality
fit" and "magnetism" for analytical purposes.
Perhaps the most interesting
piece of advice Sacks offers is to beware of extreme similarities
and extreme differences. We hear that "opposites attract,"
but that doesn't mean they make good partners. We also know that
people with many things in common have a basis for a relationship,
but too much similarity can also cause things to break down. For
instance, two leaders will be constantly stepping on each others'
toes, whereas two indecisive people will never reach a decision.
Sacks draws his credibility from a
real life "Mate Map Study", and he recounts the successes
of that study right up front.
This is one of the better books
on relationships, since it focuses less on telling people how to
find a mate and more on how to decide if the person is right for
you. However, true romantics might have some difficulty relating
to the almost scientific analysis that Sacks puts readers through.
As a reviewer not looking for a mate, I found much of the latter
half of the book tough reading, so I would recommend reading only
the second section until you actually have someone to evaluate.